Looking back on my life, I’ve seen a disappointing pattern. First, I find myself in crisis and I cry out to God. While in crisis mode, I seek Him with all my heart, praying and searching His Word for answers. He rescues me and over time, my dedication to seeking Him daily with all my heart diminishes. I find myself relying upon my own abilities and my own resources more and more. Until finally, God has very little to do with my daily routine. I’d even go for days without so much as a short prayer of thanks before a meal.
After a while, another crisis happens. At times, I lost everything – my family, my career, my belongings, my confidence, even my desire to live. Then, the cycle repeats.
I found myself drawn to three verses in chapter 30 of the book of Proverbs this morning:
7 “Two things I ask of you, O LORD; do not refuse me before I die:
8 Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread.
9 Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the LORD ?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.
As I’m maturing in my faith (yes, a bit late in life) I find these words to be so full of rich wisdom. They resonate deep within me as a breathy “yes” escapes across my lips.
As further evidence, I have known several people in my life who have more money than they know what to do with. Most of them do not have a strong testimony about what God has done for them. Instead they boast about their own successes or those of their family. They don’t seem to need God – they feel as though they can go out and buy anything they need. Yet, in most cases, I see these people as miserable and always seeking the next thrill. Perhaps that’s why Jesus said that it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than it is for a rich man to go to heaven. (see Luke 18:18-29)
In this season of my life, my terrifying emotional roller-coaster experiences have smoothed out significantly. There are still moments I tend to rely on myself, but I have learned that I can’t get far that way. And, I’m good with that.
I now know that whether He blesses me with much or with just enough, I will not turn my back on Him. I recognize my complete bankruptcy without Him. I know I will never amount to anything meaningful if I pursue anything but Him with my whole heart.
Lord, thank You for how you’ve crashed through the wall and rescued me time and time again. Thank You that You love me too much to let me go off too far on my own before you cause me to seek You again. I need You, Father. Your correction and discipline is painful for a moment, but I am so grateful for it. Keep me from falsehood and lies and give me only my daily bread.
grace & peace,